A Little Less Crystal

I need a break. Honestly. The past few weeks for me have been draining. I have watched as the scale has stayed the same with only just the slightest change. Today, I am 243... .8 up from last week. I'm willing to bet it's water. I haven't been able to eat and drink like I'm supposed to. I've been eating a lot of crackers and other easily digestible items. I can't eat raw veggies at the moment because they make me feel like my stomach is going to fall out of my body. I have to be really careful what goes into my mouth. Last night was the first night in about a week I have eaten protein. And, I had to take something so I would not get sick. Water makes me want to gag right now. So, I need a break.

I'm still going to watch what I eat, track my food, and find easy to digest items that are also easy on the calories. I desperately want to lose weight but the fact that my stomach is not cooperating and the scale is not cooperating makes me feel like I just need to take a break. Start over. Refocus. Something.

And read Twilight. Have you heard about these books? I read the first last week and half of the second last night. My plan is to read more today.

But I need to refocus. So, if you don't hear from me in a little bit, don't worry. However, if it's more than a couple of weeks, send out a search party. My email is bagwell123 at gmail dot com. I'll be out trying to forage food to eat, reading Twilight, and getting refocused.

I think I have officially hit a plateau. I have officially stayed around 242 for the past month. It's depressing, but I know the past couple of weeks have been difficult ones. I want out of the 240's. I have been here since the middle of March. I know weight loss slows after a little bit then gains momentum again. It's just depressing. I have eaten all right this week. I still am having trouble eating certain foods but I haven't went over my calories. I guess we'll try harder this coming week. I am also hoping I can start walking again on Monday. We'll see what happens.

Today is my weigh in day. I thought about skipping today altogether and just weighing next week. I have eaten a lot of processed stuff this week, mainly because it was easier for my stomach to digest. I went back to the doctor yesterday because I was still sick and not feeling well. She said my stomach lining and stomach was inflamed. It could have been caused by stress or just changing the way I eat. I get sick if I eat anything of any substance. So, I was really afraid that the processed food would cause the scale to inflate.

Then, I thought about being honest with myself, even if I was sick. So I weighed. And I'm not sure about whether I should be happy with it or not. 242.2. I'm back to where I was three weeks ago. Which is good, but I don't know if I lost it because I was sick or what. We'll see what the scale does next week.

I don't understand. I have gained 1.8 pounds this week and I honestly cannot tell you where it came from. This puts me at 244.0. I have eaten exactly what I was supposed to this week. NO cheating. I have not eaten above my calories AND I have exercised every single day AND I have drank my water everyday. I just feel like I have gained the same poundage and lost the same poundage for the last few weeks. I was hoping to be out of the 240's by now but I'm guess I'm here for another week or so. It's so frustrating to do the best you can do and KNOW that you have done NOTHING to cause this.

Okay, enough pity partying. I will just keep doing what I am doing, walking and eating what I am supposed to eat, and I'll see what happens next week.

Okay, so let's get right to it right now: I lost FIVE POUNDS this week. Okay, so "technically" I lost three pounds since I gained two pounds last week. This weigh in was really scary for me and I am going to have to work my ass off this week to keep that five pounds off. I don't want to have a big loss this week and gain it back next week. And then I tell myself to just breathe, calm down, and be happy about the loss. I earned it. I am going to continue walking, building up time and length of the walk.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Longer post later!

I dreaded the scale this morning. I knew it wasn't going to be good. I knew the scale was going to show my transgressions of the week. And I was right. I was up 2 pounds this morning, weighing 247.2. And I wasn't surprised.

This week, I did not concentrate on myself. I did not cook every night like I normally do. I did not stay 100% on plan and I ate things that I haven't been eating. There hasn't been a binge but there has been continuous bad eating this week. It started with Tuesday, the day the house closed. Supper was Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger with a cup of Chili. Wednesday's lunch was Fuddruckers Cheeseburger with fries. And yesterday's lunch was Joy of Tokyo (a Japanese restaurant). Last night's dinner was pizza. Things have been so hectic this week that this was easier. But as we all know, easy is not always best. I did not expect to lose this week but gaining two pounds is also something I did not expect.

I know that I need to take time for me, regardless who else I am having to take care of. I know that I need to make sure I put the healthiest things I can into my body. I am important enough, if to no one else, to myself to do this. This has been the first whole week of backsliding. Yes, I have had a time when I completely lost control. But it was different this week. I was in control and knew what I was eating. I was just so busy, tired, and aggravated to care.

This week will be different. I have learned it has to be. I have actually felt worse this week than I have in past weeks. I haven't had as much energy. Yes, this week will be different. And all other weeks after that. I have learned a hard valuable lesson. I don't want to undo all the progress that I have made.

I'm back on track.

This is going to be short one as I have a very busy morning planned.

I have hit the 25 pounds lost mark and I am so happy. I weighed in this morning and my weight was 245.2. That's a loss of 2 pounds this week and that's great. I can't wait to start exercising. I have losing weight strictly by watching what I eat. I know that once I can exercise, it will make weight loss a bit easier for me. I know that my cardiologist will be happy with my progress. I go see him on April 8th, this coming Wednesday.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Okay, so let's face it. It's not been the best of weeks for me on the home front. I feel like I am raising a VERY independent three year old. One minute, my grandmother is telling me she loves me and the next she says she isn't going to talk to me. I could give examples but you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just imagine the most stubborn and independent three year old and that's her.

Work has been okay. I'm glad the week is over and hopefully, everyone will be back next week. I am so busy with my own stuff. I don't have time to make up others slack. But whatever.

As far as my diet goes, I'm tired of calling it that. I have been doing this for three months now. This is the longest I have stuck to something since I was 18 (I'll post more about that later). I have really gotten used to eating how I eat and it's not that I didn't know to begin with, I just didn't DO it. I feel like increasing my water intake has really helped this week. I have not felt nearly as hungry or had cravings as I have had in the past.

The major problem I have had this week is I haven't eaten all my calories every day. I have kinda done the calorie cycling thing. I just haven't been hungry enough to eat everything I am supposed to. I know that I have to eat to lose weight. I don't want my body to go into "starvation mode" because I am not eating.

I did weigh this morning and I lost three pounds...yes, three pounds. That puts my weight at 247. This is a 31 pound lost from November 2008 and a 23 pound lost since January 5. I am proud of the three pounds but also, I am scared of it. I have been lost small amounts of weight each week..between 1 and 2 pounds. I am scared of losing more than that. I don't want to continue to yo yo up and down. But, I guess that's how it goes.

I want to thank everyone for the comments this week. They have meant so much and helped me more than you know. I try to read and respond to each one.

Let's hope for a better week, shall we?

Okay, so I am a little confused this week. I did really really good with my food intake this week. I did not go over my calories and ate more fruits and vegetables than usual.

But I still GAINED 1.2 pounds. I'm honestly not sure how. It's like I had a good loss last week so my body could not lose last week. My weigh-ins have been up and down over the past couple of months. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm all ears.

Let's face it, yesterday was not, by any stretches of the imagination, a good day. AT ALL. Bless his heart, Michael called me after he read my post. I think he wanted to make sure I was OK. As well as we know each other, I have never revealed these things to him about myself. On one hand, I was embarrassed. On the other, given our history I was afraid I would scare him off. But I haven't and this means more to me than he knows. He called and suggested we talk about this. I could do nothing but cry. He said I shouldn't be hard on myself. I emailed him what I typically eat so he could see the difference. He made no comments about the calories. Just, "Don't beat yourself up about it" was what he said. I cried myself to sleep last night because it was my first MAJOR slip up and I knew the scales would reflect it this morning.

So I got up, checked the blog for any comments and there were two. One from Lola, whose name I adore and one from 4 oz, whose name makes me smile. They offered encouragement and the same that Michael did, "Don't beat yourself up." 4 oz also suggested that I weigh in on Monday. I thought about it and decided to weigh in today. It's important that I know what is going on and how those times will effect my body. So I weighed in........


AND I LOST 3 POUNDS!!!! I cannot even begin to tell you the relief I felt. I am now 249....2 freaking 49. This is wonderful. I have lost a total of 21.2 since January 5 and a total of 29 pounds since November of 2008. All week this week was great, until yesterday. I am so proud of myself on one hand. I know I have worked hard to calculate my calories each week. On the other hand, I don't feel like I have really earned it because of yesterday. I get that it was only one day. That today, I will go back to being mindful of what goes into my body. But, that one day, could have ruined my whole week. I think I have learned from this so that I can move on. I am just so happy that the scale was kind to me today.

I was so scared to get on the scale this morning. I had a few slip ups this week. It snowed Monday and this made me want to eat eat eat. So, I did. At my father's house. Where NOTHING is healthy. But I did well for the rest of the week.

I lost 2.4 pounds this week. I'm very happy but very relieved at the same time. I don't always eat healthy on the weekends so I try to make up for it during the week. Monday was not a good day to start off the week. I am really wanting to try to eat better on the weekends. I just haven't got there yet. Letting go of things during the week was hard enough. The weekends are my time to relax a little. However, don't think I eat everything I see on the weekends. I am conscious of what I am eating but I don't track. I know there will come a point that I will have to include weekends in my plan or it will seriously hinder my weight loss. (as it might be already doing). I will just have to wait and see.

I gained .8 pounds this week and I don't know why. Maybe my body has just continually lost for the past four weeks and I have hit a plateau. I cannot exercise right now until the doctor gives me the go ahead. I may call him this week to find out what the deal is.

I know I did everything right. I ate what I was supposed to, when I was supposed to. I just don't know what happened. I am just going to have to be really strict with myself and be sure there are no hidden calories I am eating.

I know these times are going to be worth it. I have no doubt. However, it still seems easier just to give up and go back to my old way of eating. Then, I think to myself about how much better I feel and how much better I will look. I need to start a list of reasons as to why I want to lose weight. I have seen them on other blogs and love reading them. Maybe that will help to motivate me and keep me committed. Because after all, I have learned you have to be both to keep going.

Until next time...

Saturdays are my weigh in days. I find this to be the most convenient of all days for me. However, this might change to Fridays but we will just have to see.

Whatever the case, I did weigh in this morning. I could still feel the croissants I ate last night sticking to me...and apparently so could the scale. I weight 253.8, only lost one pound.

I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen. It's just that for some crazy reason, I was thinking I had lost more. Then, I started looking at my food diary and had a few "a-ha" moments. I ate horribly on Monday this week. And then combine that with eating last night, I guess that's the reason. Plus, I am not on my best behavior on the weekends. So far, I have continued losing despite that but I know it is slowing my progress.

I cannot exercise right now because of my health. I go to the doctor in April and he will let me know at that time what I can do. I just want to concentrate on my food intake and creating healthy habits with that. I have tons of support around me so that has really helped.

But then I look at it this way. What if I do only lose a pound a week. Times that by four and times that by twelve and that's 48 pounds a year. Not bad I guess. Just would like to lose faster, that's all.