Dreading Tomorrow

Today has been a horrible day for me food wise. I have made really really bad decisions today. It started out harmless enough. But the more bored I got, the more I had to eat. My mom and I had plans that fell through and this made my mood go to an extreme low. I have been in the house since around 1:00 today and I am going stir crazy.

So what do I do? Snack all day. And make macaroni and cheese. Yes, MACA-FREAKING-RONI AND CHEESE. The lowfat way of course. Because we don't have "real ingredients" in the house. Low fat cheese, butter, egg starters. However, we don't have wheat noodles so I used the real thing.

I don't understand myself sometimes. It's like this monster rises up in me and has to eat. Has to feed the boredom and loneliness of sitting here at this freaking computer screen. Yes, I love time to myself. But I feel like I have too much time to myself sometimes.

Why can't I control this compulsion? As I sit here now, tears are rolling down my face. When I have something to do. I am fine. My hands are busy and they aren't feeding my face. I am a dangerous person when my hands and self don't have anything to do. It's almost like a volcano. Self talk is the worst for me at these times. I know what I am doing to myself but the food makes me feel better.

I know I can conquer this. But I dread tomorrow. I know the scale will reflect what I have done tonight. I will just pick myself up and do better this coming week.

3 Comments:

  1. "4 oz" said...
    Wipe those tears away! Here's what you need to do: don't weigh in tomorrow. If you do, it will only make you feel worse because the number will be up - in fact it will be like that for around 3 days or so - but you have to remember that your body will digest that food and get it out of your system. I would hate to see the darn scale trigger hurt feelings that lead you to eating. I've been there. I know how it feels. Just walk away from the scale tomorrow. Weigh in on Monday.
    Lola said...
    Oh no! Don't be so hard on yourself. You did it, you are owning it, and you are moving on. Its ok!

    Remember, we didn't get this way by indulging one time. We got this way from a lifetime of bad choices, with little to no remorse. Tomorrow is a new day. Go hug that man of yours and chin up!
    sterndal said...
    i've read in a magazine that boredom is the number one reason why lots of people tend to overeat. I'm also guilty of that. perhaps, when we feel bored, let's try to do some things like read a book.

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