A Little Less Crystal

Today is mine and Michael's three year anniversary. I am going to try and review some of that history in this post and tell him and you why he's so important to me. To understand us now, you have to understand where we come from. It's going to be a little long so be fair warned.

Michael and I were 14 when we first met at church. His mother taught Sunday school and somehow I started helping her. He would come to church with her and just hang out in her Sunday school class with the three year old kids and me. I don't know what it was about him at that time but I felt connected to him...at 14. He may not remember this but I introduced myself to him by saying, "My name is Crystal and I am going to be your new best friend." And it started.

We "officially dated" only around four months. Yes, we were 14 but both my parents and his were lenient as to how often we saw each other...which was whenever we could and wanted. He was my first...and I was his. Needless to say, we saw a lot of each other. For whatever reason, we broke up and never became officially a couple until years down the road.

During ages 15-17 we saw each other time to time. Sometimes it was like dating and sometimes it was physical. I loved him, knew I loved him at 14, and there was no doubt. He was everything to me. During these years, it was hard though. I wanted something that he didn't. I wanted to know that he loved me as much as I loved him but he couldn't give that to me. However, I took what I could. He was never blatantly mean to me but he would only see me if it was convenient for him. Both of our brothers went to Boy Scouts on Monday nights and my dad was a helper of sorts. I lived for Monday nights...to be close to him for an hour...and would wait on pins and needles until the next Monday. During these years, there were times when we would not talk for weeks. I dated other people during this time but they were not Michael.

And then one day in March, when we were 17, he called and my world fell apart. I don't know if he was preparing himself for the journey he was about to go on or letting me go so he didn't hurt me. Whatever the case, I was told that we were "officially" finished. He wasn't mean about it. He was probably the most gentle that I had ever heard him that night. We were finished. No sense in killing my spirit I suppose.

So, March 11 2001, we went our separate ways. He dated another girl and I dated another guy. But I loved Michael. After a year or so, I came to terms that Michael and I were finished. I decided I would give this other guy a chance and force myself to be happy. I would make myself be happy with him. I guess I didn't want to be alone. It wasn't the same. I didn't wake up every morning with the same thrill and feeling of excitement. It was during this time, I gained most of my weight. This guy was toxic for me. Always holding the fact that he knew I loved Michael over my head. Never letting me forget Michael. That relationship was doomed from the very beginning. In May of 2005, after breaking up numerous times, this guy and I parted ways for good. And I never felt freer.

I was by myself from May of 05 til March of 06. It was a good time for me to relearn who I was, what I wanted, and what I wanted to become. It was perhaps the best thing that happened to me.

And then one night, while talking to one of my friends, she wanted me to speak with someone. I said okay and HE got on the phone. MICHAEL. Oh my dear God, I thought. I can't believe it's him. March 11, 2006, five years TO THE DAY that we departed ways, we spoke again. I can't even begin to describe what I felt and what this meant to me. We met in a local parking lot that night, briefly spoke, exchanged numbers, and I expected nothing else.

However, my "wildest dreams" came true. (I say wildest dreams because there had never been a thought in my head this might happen). We saw each other almost everyday for about a year. If we didn't see each other, we spoke on the phone. We got to know each other, learned about each other's past while we had been apart, and began to REALLY love each other. Although, for the first year, I never believed him when he said he loved me. It was hard for me to really believe that he could ever love me. After all, I had loved him for eight years, ever since I was 14 and at that time I was 22. Loving him was as natural as breathing for me. In the years that we were apart, I never stopped loving him and there was never a day that I did not think about him. It is hard to say how I knew at 14 he was the only one I could ever be happy with but I did.

Michael and I are currently in the process of buying a house. We were engaged Christmas Eve 08. Sometimes, I have to stop and question if this is real...yes even now. I know it is and I know he loves me. But, there is always the nagging feeling of when is it going to end. When am I going to have to pick myself up again? However, with everyday, it's getting easier. Like I said, I know he loves me. I know we are going to spend our lives together. I know that things are different now. For one, we are adults. We or I should say he, have lived the "crazy life" and know what it is like. That's done.

I don't think he knows how much he means to me or how much I love him. I am so proud of how far he has come in his life and the man he has become. I knew he was something special when I first saw him 11 years ago. I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He is my soulmate.

I have learned patience with him. I have learned that all good things are worth waiting for and will come in time if they are meant to be. He's my life. He's my rock. And soon, in about a year and a half, he will be my husband. And I am forever grateful for the acceptance and love he gives me everyday. He has been so supportive during this time of my life.

I know he reads this so I want to say to him: I love you baby and Happy Three Year anniversary.