Sometimes They Scare Me

"They" being my clients. As I have talked about, I am a Medicaid caseworker. My mornings are spent face to face with people wanting to apply for Medicaid. My afternoons are spent digging my way through paperwork and on the telephone. And sometimes, they scare me. Whether it be the drug addict sitting in front of me or the ghetto raised person on the phone, they scare the living shit out of me. I wonder about them. What do they go home to? Do they really need Medicaid or are they just lazy? Do they talk to their children the way they talk to me? I hope to God that they don't. I hope to God that they are a lot more patient with their children than they are with me. I have been at my job for a year and almost three months. I can count on my two hands the number of really nice people I have met. The other two types of people have been neutral or really nasty. And the nasty ones scare me. These are the people that tell me I am going to cause them to die. Or, I am going to cause their children to die. I hate those.

But whatever, it's my job. I hope that one day I can let them not bother me so much. I have actually gotten better with this. I don't come home and cry or eat or anything that I used to do. I have done better with understanding that the public is the public. There's nothing I can do about that. I do the best I can and I know that. That's all I can do.

4 Comments:

  1. Anonymous said...
    Crystal - its not you , its them. And maybe they are in such dire circumstance that they just need to take it out and someone and there you conveniently are right in front of them.

    Good for you that you are no longer letting the stress of them make you eat! Stress eating is hard to overcome...
    "4 oz" said...
    Crystal, try to remember that sometimes we can't understand other people unless we walk in their shoes for a day. Who knows what they've been through that has lead them to be this way. All you can do is your best and when the work day ends, leave that stress there. Don't bring it home with you.
    jo said...
    Your job scares me. lol I used to work in the judicial system. Some of the people that came through the doors...it was scary. Sitting five feet away from rapists, murderers, etc. scared the snot out of me. The worst imho were the child abusers.

    like 4 oz said, leave it there. Don't take them home with you. Everyone is different, and I, too, wonder what kind of life they lead...but you just have to live yours.

    You've got a tough job. Really. You do your best to help them (and most of them are probably anti-big brother) so take nothing personally.

    I think you're great in that you've learned not to eat the stress. Thank you for doing what you do!
    Tamzin said...
    wow...thats a tough job to do day in and day out. Good on you for being able to.

    *tips hat to you*

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