A Little Less Crystal

I have been debating with myself as to whether or not I needed to write about this. It has just been laying really heavy on me so I decided to go ahead and get it out. It will probably be a lengthy post so pack a lunch (a healthy one of course).

My brother's house is being foreclosed on soon. They have already started the foreclosure procedures. Now, he hasn't been living in his house. He moved out around September or October 08. However, he was trying to sell it and was under some thought up notion that since he was selling it, he did not have to make payments. So he didn't. He couldn't afford to anyway. He and his wife moved in with my father for a little bit. He and my dad do not get along so he moved out into an apartment.

I really had hope that he and his wife would be able to make it. However, after the first couple of months they lived in their house, it was clear that this situation was just right down the road. They were married in June 07 and my parents have made or had some part in making the house payment and other bills each month. I don't know where my brother went wrong. Well, I take that back. I do. He is more than $30,000 in debt not counting his house, plus all other bills he has to pay. He knows that he got over his head and to talk with him now, breaks my heart.

At the same time, I am terrified. Terrified that this will be me. Rationally, I know it won't but the thought is still there. I am in the process of buying a house and we are almost at closing time. I am excited and scared at the same time. I know Michael and I can do this and I know that I am not like my brother. But I cannot help to be scared. While my debt is no where equal to his, I do have student loans breathing down my neck. I am trying to not use my credit card and trying to get it paid off.

This has really affected my ability to lose weight. Stress, from what I understand, can hinder weight loss. Plus, I am an emotional eater. I know this, so I try to keep all that in check. I have lots of conversations with myself about eating and "how I feel about this." (I was a Psych major in college). But at the same time, food looks really good. Sometimes I think, "just go over there, have a cookie, have chocolate- it won't hurt you and it will make you feel better" Then I scold myself for thinking that and start doing something else. I will just have to continue to remember why I am on this journey and what it will be like to finish.

It feels like I have rambled forever now. I'm done.