Heartbroken and Terrified

I have been debating with myself as to whether or not I needed to write about this. It has just been laying really heavy on me so I decided to go ahead and get it out. It will probably be a lengthy post so pack a lunch (a healthy one of course).

My brother's house is being foreclosed on soon. They have already started the foreclosure procedures. Now, he hasn't been living in his house. He moved out around September or October 08. However, he was trying to sell it and was under some thought up notion that since he was selling it, he did not have to make payments. So he didn't. He couldn't afford to anyway. He and his wife moved in with my father for a little bit. He and my dad do not get along so he moved out into an apartment.

I really had hope that he and his wife would be able to make it. However, after the first couple of months they lived in their house, it was clear that this situation was just right down the road. They were married in June 07 and my parents have made or had some part in making the house payment and other bills each month. I don't know where my brother went wrong. Well, I take that back. I do. He is more than $30,000 in debt not counting his house, plus all other bills he has to pay. He knows that he got over his head and to talk with him now, breaks my heart.

At the same time, I am terrified. Terrified that this will be me. Rationally, I know it won't but the thought is still there. I am in the process of buying a house and we are almost at closing time. I am excited and scared at the same time. I know Michael and I can do this and I know that I am not like my brother. But I cannot help to be scared. While my debt is no where equal to his, I do have student loans breathing down my neck. I am trying to not use my credit card and trying to get it paid off.

This has really affected my ability to lose weight. Stress, from what I understand, can hinder weight loss. Plus, I am an emotional eater. I know this, so I try to keep all that in check. I have lots of conversations with myself about eating and "how I feel about this." (I was a Psych major in college). But at the same time, food looks really good. Sometimes I think, "just go over there, have a cookie, have chocolate- it won't hurt you and it will make you feel better" Then I scold myself for thinking that and start doing something else. I will just have to continue to remember why I am on this journey and what it will be like to finish.

It feels like I have rambled forever now. I'm done.


  1. Rhianna said...
    Great post. There is much we can all learn from this I am glad you decided to share it and even more glad I stumbled across it.
    Lola said...
    Oh honey, hang in there. Take a deep breath. Times are so tough out there right now and it just seems to be getting scarier and scarier for me. Just remember, God is in control. You do not get a load you cannot handle.

    And you are right, eating will not solve anythign right now. Right now, you need to keep close tabs on the one thing you have full and total control of, and that is your body. You cannot control your brother's house situation. You cannot control whether you get the house or not. But, you can control whether you stuff your face with chocolate chip cookies. :o)

    hang in there.
    Crystal said...
    Thank you guys for the comments. I slipped up a little today. I think I may have let myself get too hungry. I just have to learn from it and go from there.
    "4 oz" said...
    I agree with my buddy Lola. Take a deep breath...hold it...let it out. Stress can be brutal on a persons emotions and physical state. Learn your triggers for emotional eating and keep an eye on that. Don't be like me...several times I allowed the weight to pile on due to stress and would then stress over the weight gain and just gain more. It became a vicious cycle...take care!
    Carol said...
    It is always hard to have bad things happen in your life. But with every bad thing you grow, and when you do, the next hurdle will not be as steep. God Bless and prayers.

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