My Secret Compulsion

Food. It speaks to me. Sometimes in a quiet little voice and sometimes in a resounding big voice. I don't understand sometimes. I'm not hungry but this undeniable need to eat comes over me. I don't really have the want or compulsion to overeat during meals. It's more of a compulsion at work and when I get home from work. And on Saturdays...My lord on Saturdays it's rough. I haven't figured out if I am eating because I'm bored, stressed, or what. It's just this huge want to eat. I hate it.

Keeping with the compulsion theme, today at lunch, something wonderful happened. I ate my Lean Gourmet meal and did not feel like I needed to eat anything else. So I didn't. However, at 3:00 it was like this nagging that would not go away. Plus, everyone has candy dishes and Girl Scout cookies and everything else I can't, don't want to, don't need to eat. And I didn't eat anything. I wasn't hungry so I was able to talk myself down. It's literally like talking myself from a ledge. It's crazy.

My control is getting better but the compulsion has not.


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